Male Victims of Domestic Violence

Listen to Our Men
Written By Ashley Perkins

Happy Fall and October to the For Us Nation,

Thank you for being a part of our community and nation building efforts. Please keep in touch with us over social media and through our website for updates, and ways to be involved. 


For the last quarter of the year we wish to focus on men and their health (mental and physical), wellness, and abilities to express. Before we address the topic of the blog we wish to highlight the different awarenesses of the month of October. Of course we have the most known, Breast Cancer Awareness, yet there are others such as Emotional Intelligence and Wellness Awareness, Antidepressant Death Awareness, National Bullying Prevention Awareness, and National Domestic Violence Awareness month to name a few. Here is a list of other October National Awareness subjects. 

During the month of October, For Us Nation, as well as our podcast, On The Ground Level, will focus on Men and will specifically talk with them about Domestic Violence or other emotionally heavy occurrences that they have experienced but often do not have the opportunity to express.

Warning: This topic is a sensitive topic and may bring up emotional reactions or distress for the reader or viewer. Videos, images, and statistics will be used surrounding the topic of Domestic Violence. Do not engage further with this blog if this may be intense for you as a consumer. Resources are provided below as needed.

Also, this blog is mainly focused around heterosexual relationships, but resources will be provided for all dynamics of relationships.

In the video seen above you see two popular social figures, recording artist Blueface and reality tv star Chrisean Rock, speaking with TMZ about their relationship issues. This couple has often made headlines for Domestic Violence issues that have resulted in bald spots, black eyes, arrests, destroyed property, and more. The reason why we wish to use this video for this month, is because you can clearly see that Blueface was trying to express his distress within the relationship and his partner was not allowing or trying to mute his expression. Now specifically to this couple there have been reports of domestic abuse on both sides, but we wanted to highlight how men are sometimes taken less seriously or muted when they try to express their distress in relationships. 


This topic is a very sensitive and hard topic to speak on and we wish to provide more education on the topic in order to have an open discussion. The Domestic Violence statistics show that women are often the abuse victims, whether this is because they are more willing to report compared to men or simply because it is just the truth of the situation; there are less men reported to be victims of domestic violence. Below are some statistics from NCADV.org:

  • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc.

  • 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence."

  • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.

  • 1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner. Data is unavailable on male victims.

  • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

  • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.

Sadly, sometimes men endure the abuse within relationship for long periods of time due to the societal influences of what roles men should play in relationships, and the idea that women “cannot” abuse men due to possibly size, height, or simply their gender. Yes it has been shown that victims of domestic violence are slow to leave the relationship, mainly due to fear, and also because the departure, or attempted departure, is the most intense and volatile phase of the relationship (It takes an average of 7 attempts for a survivor to leave their abuser and stay separated for good. Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship). But can men have different reasons for not leaving an abusive relationship? On Bonobology.com, they list some of the reasons that men stay in their domestic violence relationship being because: 

  1. They think its not that bad: possibly due to being taught that they are emotionally stronger than women, or that adjustments can always be made to fix the situation

  2. They are Silent Sufferers: mostly in an attempt to uphold their self image 

  3. Low Self-Esteem: possibly have begun to question their self-worth and capabilities and believe they deserve punishment. 

Find more of the reasons here. 

In August 2022, we learned of Christian Obumseli, who tragically died at the hands of his then girlfriend who had frequently engaged in violent behaviors against Christian before ultimately stabbing him to death. Below is a photo from an elevator incident between the two, where in the video Courtney Clenny can be seen punching, grabbing his head and hair, and jumping on Christian multiple times. Initially, Courtney tried to plea that she was the victim of violence instead of the perpetrator, and was almost believed due to the overwhelming numbers of women being the victims, yet thankfully due to footage and evidence they were able to start viewing her as the abuser and would later arrest her.

Within DV relationships there exists dynamics of power and control that can encompass physical, financial, emotional, and sexual aspects of the relationship. Power and control is not solely given to Men in heterosexual relationships. We would also like to note that it can also be dangerous for our loved ones who try to get involved in order to help or protect when they notice that power and control, and specifically violence, is occurring within a relationship of someone they love. So we urge everyone, whether they are primary, secondary, or other type victims to the DV relationship to seek help. There are hotlines available, as well as shelters that can be contacted to receive help. Below we have listed some resources for you to utilize to stay safe or to share with someone you believe may need them. Also, please note if you do not see resources below that address your area of residence you can simply type your state or city with the phrase “Domestic Violence Resources”, and some links shall pop up. 

Again, we hope that this blog begins to open the discussion for men to discuss their experiences with being a victim of DV, and to express themselves. We know this does not cover every aspect of such a lengthy topic, and wish to continue speaking on this through our podcast, On the Ground Level, as well as our social media platforms, @forusnation. Please let us know your thoughts and reach out to us if you wish to share your perspective, whether it is anonymous or not (please let us know), and we can either share it in written form on our website and social media, or we can read it or speak with you about it via podcast. 

Ashley Perkins
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